


Things You Said

by gudetamaa



Series: Trans!Uzu Verse [2]
Category: Kill la Kill
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, Trans Male Character, i hope i handled it sensitively, warning: sex does happen in this one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-16
Updated: 2017-05-16
Packaged: 2018-11-01 08:41:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10918305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gudetamaa/pseuds/gudetamaa
Summary: A series of events over the course of Uzu and Ira's relationship concerning his past, their present, and their future.





	Things You Said

**Author's Note:**

> It's the sequel to my Trans!Uzu AU that absolutely nobody asked for! I tried my hardest to embody Japanese attitudes in this fic, both towards transgenderism and life in general. If there's anything that's super suspect, feel free to let me know!

"My name was Yuna," Uzu said suddenly, his voice soft.

The two men were curled up outside, sitting in the warm late afternoon sun, Uzu’s head resting on Ira's shoulder. Ira really didn't want to talk right now, because the quiet moments came less and less at Honnouji the closer Satsuki got to her goal, but Uzu so seldom talked about his past that Ira knew if he didn’t listen he’d probably never get to hear whatever Uzu had to say again.

"It doesn't suit you," Ira told him. He reached up to smooth his fingers through Uzu's dark hair. "I like yours much better." Uzu was silent for several long moments, his body completely still, and Ira feared that he'd misstepped somehow and Uzu was about to get up and leave.

"You always say the right thing," Uzu said finally. The cloud of panic in Ira’s mind that had begun to fog his thoughts dissipated.

"I always tell you the truth," Ira replied, his response easy.

Seemingly accepting Ira’s response, Uzu closed his eyes and leaned forward to rest his head on Ira's broad shoulder again, and Ira knew that the conversation was over. 

\-----------

They were lying in Ira’s bed together, both half-asleep, the next time Uzu spoke about his past. He was lying face-down on Ira's chest, idly tracing patterns on the naked skin of Ira’s abs with feather-light touches. Uzu's shirt stayed on, though. It always did. That was one thing that Ira didn't push or question. 

"I was head of a girl gang back then, you know," Uzu said suddenly, his words disrupting the warm afternoon calm that surrounded the two men like a heavy stone thrown on a placid pond. 

"Mm," Ira agreed sleepily, his eyes opening to gaze hazily at Uzu’s calm face.

"That's how Satsuki found me- another female sword master? She pretty much had to take me on- to prove herself or somethin’."

"Mm-hm," Ira agreed, his eyes threatening to slide closed again. _He’s so warm_ , Ira thought absently.

"Needless to say, I lost," Uzu chuckled wryly. "Then Satsuki-sama offered me a place by her side. I agreed- I figured that serving her would take my mind off of the confusion. But...it didn't. It just made it worse…,” he trailed off, his voice soft. He hiccupped wetly, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand- as if that really hid that his eyes were wet.

"Uzu..." Ira said sadly. He wrapped an arm around Uzu's torso and began to rub soothing circles on the other man’s back with a warm, heavy palm. He didn't say anything when he felt Uzu begin to cry, the other man’s warm tears dripping onto his skin. He let the other man ride out his emotions, the room silent save for Uzu’s soft sobs. They didn’t speak of what happened after he was done.

\-----------

The two men were eating their lunches on the school roof, during another one of their increasingly rare moments of peace between battling and plotting and disciplining the student body of Honnouji, when Uzu spoke about his past again.

"You know," Uzu remarked, his tone deceptively casual, passing Ira one of his sandwiches, "I'm glad we can't see our families while we're here. I'm sure my mother would hate me if she knew what I did to my body."

Ira dropped his lunch in his lap, his appetite suddenly gone. "I'm sure she'd-"

"Oh, it's okay. She didn't really love me all that much to start with. I was a sukeban, you know. Trouble. Not one of the sweet girls. Not likely to get married to an upstanding young shop owner or anything," Uzu laughed, the sound sharp and humorless.

_His eyes are so cold_ , Ira thought.

Abruptly, Uzu stood up, tossing his half-eaten sandwich to the dirty ground.

“I’ve got to go,” he explained brusquely, already striding away from Ira, his posture stiff, as he said this.

He would appear again, hours later, sore from hours of practicing kendo. He never brought up his family again, and Ira didn’t ask.

\-----------

It was dark in Ira's room- the night before they were to put Satsuki's plan into motion. Each of the Elite Four knew that they might die tomorrow.

That was why, after Satsuki had dismissed them, Uzu had grabbed Ira by the collar and mashed their mouths together in a messy kiss.

"Let's have sex," he'd said, breathless and panting, his mouth pink and bitten.

"Are you sure?" Ira had asked. They had never before progressed past kissing- Ira had never properly seen Uzu naked, either. He’d never even seen Uzu with his shirt off. He’d never pushed, though. He knew Uzu’s limits, and nudity was definitely one of them.

"Yes," Uzu said. "Yes," he said again, firmer this time, as if trying to convince himself.

Ira kissed him again and the two men stumbled blindly towards Ira’s room, clumsily trading wet kisses all the way. Ira threw open the door to his room and stripped off his shirt. Uzu gaped up at him from his position on Ira’s bed. The evening light fell through the gaps in Ira’s curtains, highlighting the bigger man’s musculature. He leaned over Uzu’s still-dressed body on the bed.

“Uzu…” he breathed. A spark of arousal raced down Uzu’s spine, and he could feel his underpants growing damp. Fingers shaking, he clumsily unbuttoned his white uniform top, leaving him in just his thin undershirt and pants. His skin pebbled in the cold, and he shivered. He knew without seeing that his nipples were showing through his undershirt. Ira could probably see his breasts, too, he realized. His undershirt was specially designed with Life Fibers to create a binding effect, but from close up it didn’t really work too well.

Ira reached down and, with one hand, gently rubbed one of Uzu’s cold arms.

“Are you all right?” he asked Uzu.

“Yes,” Uzu said, with a soft laugh. “Stop worrying, I’m _fine_.”

Ira smiled at him. He reached his hand up and gently cupped Uzu’s small left breast through his shirt, rubbing his nipple. A tiny moan slipped past Uzu’s lips, startling the both of them. Ira bent over Uzu’s prone body to press a wet kiss to the hollow of the other man’s throat, then trailed small kisses and nips up to the other man’s wet lips. Simultaneously, he reached down to clumsily undo Uzu’s tight white pants and slip them down until they rested around his ankles. Then he undid his own, shoving them unceremoniously down his legs then onto the floor. Now Ira was down to just his white boxers, and Uzu wore nothing but his thin grey undershirt and a pair of tight black boxer briefs.

Ira could feel Uzu’s eyes tracing every inch of him- from his muscular torso down his strong thighs- and his erection between them. He blushed under the other man’s hot, appraising gaze.

He kissed Uzu again for a long moment, until the man under him was as blush-pink and panting as he was. Then he allowed his eyes to wander down Uzu’s lean chest, down to a place he’d never allowed himself to look-

Uzu’s dark underwear couldn’t hide the wet stain between his legs. Ira looked up at the dark-haired man, silently questioning if what he was about to do was okay. Uzu gave a barely perceptible nod, and reached his arms up to brace himself around Ira’s shoulders. Gently, slowly, Ira ran his fingers up the soft underside of Uzu’s muscled thigh, and into the warm clutch of his legs- he stroked the warm, wet place between the man’s thighs, gently tracing his most private place with light, teasing touches, and feeling a fresh gush of fluid further soak the black fabric of Uzu’s underwear.

Uzu moaned shakily, his hands weakly fisted in Ira’s sheets now. He had never felt anything like this before. His hatred of his body had prevented him from ever exploring anything between his legs.

Ira’s fingers caught in the elastic of Uzu’s underwear and pulled them down, exposing the wet pink skin of that place- the place no one but him had ever seen- oh god. Ira was going to see him- all of him. Ira was going to hate him. He wasn’t a real guy- how could Ira be enjoying this? He was disgusting-

Suddenly it was like all the air was gone from the room. Uzu couldn’t breathe- he was dizzy and gasping and dimly behind the rushing in his ears he could hear someone begging “No no no no no no no _please no_ ,” in a high, thin voice. _Not his voice_ , he realized, _her voice_. The voice he’d tried so hard to hide from everyone.

“Uzu!” he heard, Ira’s voice dim through the fog of panic in his mind. He choked, unable to get enough air. His vision went dim and he blacked out.

Uzu blinked open his eyes to find himself lying on Ira’s bed, this time with his undershirt back on and his pants pulled back up. Ira was sitting on the edge of the bed near him.

“Why didn’t you tell me you weren’t ready?” Ira asked him before he could speak, “I wouldn’t have thought any less of you for it.”

“I’m sorry, Ira,” Uzu said, his voice rough from yelling. He shivered in the chilly air of the room. He was feeling really cold now, but he didn’t want to ask Ira for his jacket back. He didn’t want to make the other man angry at him- not when Ira was probably disgusted with Uzu’s body and the weakness that he’d displayed.

Ira sighed at him, noticing his discomfort.

“Come here,” he said, pulling the slighter man in close to his still-naked side. “I’m not mad at you- I don’t want you to think that. Just- you scared me. I don’t ever want either of us to go through that again.”

“So we’re never having sex again?” Uzu asked, his voice timid. Stupid, he thought. Why would he want to have sex with a weirdo who freaks out the second he gets his pussy touched?

“I didn’t say that. We’ll just have to find alternatives that don’t involve bringing so much attention to an…area that’s triggering for you. Like, um…pegging…,” Ira said after a heavy, embarrassed pause, his blush incandescent.

“Oh,” Uzu said dumbly. He was shocked that all this was so _simple_ for Ira, like he wasn’t dealing with Uzu’s messed-up body and brain constantly.

“Now go to sleep,” Ira said, running his fingers through Uzu’s hair. “We have a very important day tomorrow. You don’t want to be carrying out Satsuki-sama’s orders while you’re tired, do you?”

\-----------

They were going home. Finally, the fight was over.

Ira was so glad to be leaving- he’d secured a job at his relatives’ ironworks. The rest of them looked happy to be leaving Honnouji and all its memories as well- Ryuko to live with Mako and her family in a new city far away from Honnouji, Nonon to go home to her family and Uzu to his, Inumuta to go back to hacking companies or whatever it was he did before he’d come to Honnouji, and Satsuki to go wherever she pleased.

Only- Uzu seemed unhappy- almost fearful- about going home. He smiled, sure, and boasted with the rest of the group about their victory over Ragyo and her plot, but his smile didn’t reach his eyes.

“Are you going to be all right?” Ira asked him, pulling him aside at one point. He placed a reassuring hand on Uzu’s shoulder.

“Of course I am!” Uzu said, his smile bright, “Why wouldn’t I be? Where was all this worry when I was fighting those crazy aliens, Ira?”

“I just- I remember you saying once that you were scared of what your family would think of the new you. If you don’t want to go back there, you’re more than welcome to come with me. I’m sure my uncle would have space for you.”

Uzu’s smile faded at that. “I never said anything like that, Ira,” Uzu snapped, “and I sure as hell don’t need your charity. I ain’t some girl who needs protecting.”

“I didn’t mean to insinuate that you were, I only-“

Eyes dark and cold, Uzu slapped Ira’s hand off his shoulders, picked up his single battered bag of luggage, and walked away.

“I got a train to catch. See you whenever, Gamagoori.”

\-----------

It was the first time they’d seen each other since Honnouji.

“Has it really been six months?” Nonon said, amazed. She looked wonderful now- healthy, happy, and unburdened by the crushing worry that had come with being one of Satsuki’s right hand men and women. They all did, really- except for Uzu.

The man was no longer as Ira remembered him: confident, cocky, muscular…Instead, he was gaunt and listless, with dark circles indented under his eyes that seemed to threaten to swallow his face whole. The group of five had met at a small café to have lunch, and Uzu had barely eaten at all, instead pushing his dish of noodles around listlessly with his chopsticks.

Ira was more worried about him than ever.

The group decided to take advantage of the shopping district in which they had met and walk around in hopes of finding souvenirs to take home. While Nonon and Satsuki stepped inside a small clothing store to shop around and Inumuta played a game on his phone while the men waited outside, Ira decided to pull Uzu aside.

“Are you okay?” Ira asked him softly, careful to angle himself away from Inumuta so there was no chance that the third man would hear their conversation.

“Of course,” Uzu replied dully, “Why wouldn’t I be?” He fiddled with the frayed string of his dark blue hoodie. The conversation was obviously making him nervous.

“You look sick, Uzu,” Ira protested, “You can’t possibly be fine. Is something going on at home?”

“No!” Uzu protested.

Ira drew in a deep breath. “Don’t- don’t lie to me,” he said, “I think I deserve better than that from you.”

Uzu’s already exhausted face fell. “Can we go sit down at least?”

“Sure,” Ira told him, putting a gentle arm around his back and subtly guided the other man to a nearby metal bench. He had learned long ago that Uzu shut down completely in the face of gestures that he perceived as commonly directed toward women, and that was the last thing Ira wanted to happen during this conversation. He knew he had to be very delicate in his approach.

He waited for Uzu to sit down before he followed suit, then dove right back into the topic he'd wanted to discuss, as uncomfortable as it had been for both parties.

“Uzu,” he asked gently, “is something going on at home? You look miserable.”

“Always so straightforward,” Uzu chuckled wetly.

They paused for a beat, Uzu seemingly collecting himself. After several long moments, he took a deep, stabilizing breath and began to speak.

“My parents hate me. My brother doesn’t know what to do with me- whenever he’s home, he won’t speak to me. The members of my old gang, my old friends from middle school- they won’t even look at me. I’m being shunned by every single _fucking_ person in my hometown, Ira. You have no idea how much it hurts. I saved their fuckin’ lives from those fuckin’ aliens, and instead of getting a fuckin’ parade or somethin’ I get treated like shit everywhere I go. Don’t I-“ his voice cracked, “don’t I deserve better too?”

Impulsively, Ira pulled the other man in for a hug. Uzu turned to rest his damp face in the strong curve of Ira’s neck, his body silently shaking. It was nearly twenty silent, delicate moments before Uzu spoke again, his voice stronger.

“The first thing my mother said to me when I got home was ‘Yuna,, what happened to you?’. I tried to tell her that I wasn’t a girl anymore, but…well. They’re not accustomed to big-city things like their old daughter coming home as their new son. They don’t talk to me anymore because I yelled at them when they called me by my old name.”

Ira waited for the other man to continue in silence. He rubbed soothing circles on Uzu’s back, hoping that the small gesture would comfort Uzu in some small way.

“Please don’t make me go back there,” Uzu begged, his voice small.

Ira was struck once again by how different this gaunt, shaking, pleading man in his arms was from the clever, confident man he’d known at Honnouji. He’d do anything to never see this side of Uzu again.

Eventually, despite the place and time of day, Uzu’s exhaustion took him over and he fell asleep on Ira’s shoulder.

Satsuki frowned when she came out of the nearby shop and saw the two men sitting together.

“Are you taking him home with you?” she asked Ira quietly, careful not to wake the slumbering Uzu. When Ira nodded, she smiled at him.

“I’ve always wanted him especially to be happy. He hasn’t had an easy time, and he deserves some good in his life. I’d like for you to be _his_ shield now, Ira.”

With that conversation out of the way, Satsuki fished a black and red varsity-style jacket out of the shopping bag she was carrying and held it up for Ira to look at.

“Do you think Ryuko would like this?” she asked Ira, a hint of embarrassed blush gracing her cheeks that Ira decided not to comment on.

“I think she’ll love it,” he told her.

\-----------

“Do you miss it?” Uzu asked. His eyes didn’t move from where he was watching the landscape speed by out the window of Ira’s car.

“Miss what?”

“Having power. You know, when you wore the Goku Uniform, nobody could say shit to you about your weird kinks or whatever because they knew you could fuckin’ crush them.”

“I still could, Goku Uniform or no,” Ira reminded him gently, “so I’d advise you to keep quiet about my ‘weird kinks’.”

“I know! But I mean, you know, when I was one of the Four Elites and I wore that uniform, that was the best time of my life. I didn’t have to worry about anyone finding out about who I was before- as far as everyone knew, I was born a guy. And if anyone did find out, they couldn’t say _shit_ to me because I was a fuckin’ Three Star and I’d kick their ass if they did. I feel bad for missing that shit, but I do.”

“It’s understandable,” Ira told him. “I don’t feel the same as you do, but I understand. I miss being as strong as I was then too. You were powerful before you had the uniform, though. You were a talented swordmaster- talented enough that Satsuki felt the need to challenge you, and you definitely didn’t lose that when you lost the power of the Goku uniform.”

Uzu paused to consider this statement. He chewed on his lower lip thoughtfully.

“How do you always know exactly what to say to me to make me feel better?” Uzu demanded after he had pondered sufficiently.

“Like I said to you before,” Ira explained, “I only tell you the truth.”

His question satisfied, Uzu leaned on Ira’s side and fell quiet, once again watching the verdant landscape blur by from behind his dark sunglasses.

Ira was struck by the sudden feeling that, although he knew they still had a long way to go before Uzu would be completely okay again, they would do all right from now on.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed (´ ꒳ ` ✿) please comment if you liked it...i love getting comments bc i'm a new author and nobody reads my fics


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